I Know What I Want To Do...Epilogue

Well,



I finally got to talk to her dad. He was wide-eyed and angry; appreciative for my willingness to step up as a neighbor.



I caught up to him as he was leaving for work; he gave me his card after hearing his nightmare-come-true and we're meeting later to take the boy for a walk in the woods, where we'll force him to dig his own grave before dad beheads him with the shovel. My neighbor is a very likeable guy who has worked as a construction contractor. I wouldn't want to be man-boy tonight...

Thanks to all of you who encouraged me to do the right thing and tell Dad.

Everything Old Is New, Again.

The First part of King Henry the Fourth

Act 2.

SCENE III. Warkworth castle

LADY PERCY

O, my good lord, why are you thus alone?
For what offence have I this fortnight been
A banish'd woman from my Harry's bed?
Tell me, sweet lord, what is't that takes from thee
Thy stomach, pleasure and thy golden sleep?
Why dost thou bend thine eyes upon the earth,
And start so often when thou sit'st alone?
Why hast thou lost the fresh blood in thy cheeks;
And given my treasures and my rights of thee
To thick-eyed musing and cursed melancholy?
In thy faint slumbers I by thee have watch'd,
And heard thee murmur tales of iron wars;
Speak terms of manage to thy bounding steed;
Cry 'Courage! to the field!' And thou hast talk'd
Of sallies and retires, of trenches, tents,
Of palisadoes, frontiers, parapets,
Of basilisks, of cannon, culverin,
Of prisoners' ransom and of soldiers slain,
And all the currents of a heady fight.
Thy spirit within thee hath been so at war
And thus hath so bestirr'd thee in thy sleep,
That beads of sweat have stood upon thy brow
Like bubbles in a late-disturbed stream;
And in thy face strange motions have appear'd,
Such as we see when men restrain their breath
On some great sudden hest. O, what portents are these?
Some heavy business hath my lord in hand,
And I must know it, else he loves me not.

And hast your wife, herself a victim of this internal warring set beside thee and watched? Doth she also cry as in your dreams the battle rages ahead and behind? Hast thou a remedy for this hot illness upon thy armory? Treat her then as a gentle beloved who knows thee beyond thy stern countenance; love her for thyself.

I Know What I Want To Do...

The neighbor has 2 daughters that are now off for the summer; school is out. I have been doing preparation in the back yard for the annual install of the above-ground pool, so I see into their yard along our shared fence-line. He must have asked/hired his daughters' boyfriend to power-wash his house and other light, yard work. (the little pimple-farmer doesn't look like he's good for any real work.)

Two days ago, I hear the power-washer start up and see the girl and her friend walking alongside the house with the washer. I think. "Good, He's getting some work out of the boys that are sniffing around his girls." The house gets a little spray as I go back to my puttering. The next time I look, they are under the deck; she is standing between his knees as he sits and his hands are all over this girl. I'm thinking. " With gas $4.00 a gallon, I can't believe he's just letting that engine run while he mates with his girlfriend." I smiled and looked away, minding my own business; high school kids will always find somewhere to make out.

Today I learned that he is a high school junior; she is only 13.

Like I said, I know what I'd do...but it's not my daughter and maybe her parents know.

I am not happy with this conundrum.

Manual For Boys Contemplating Dating A Man's Daughter

I brought Ohana's balls home in a jar this morning, following his castration and it got me to wondering how I will behave when boys begin to sniff around my daughter in another 10 years...

I've begun formulating a questionnaire to sort of 'pre-qualify' them.

From the questionnaire:

Here's a likely scenario:

Suppose that you had wronged someone, really done them bad, and you wake up in an abandoned barn with a locked 1/4" braided steel cable secured firmly around your junk and bolted to the floor, a rusty shears in your hand. Just as you begin to realize that the cable is too burly for the shears, the barn bursts into flame...
You will roast like a suckling pig if you stay there. There is also a brazier with a red-hot piece of metal, just out of your reach, that you could use to cauterise your junk-stump, but you'd have to use the shears to get to it.
Question: Isn't there a bus leaving for Cleveland you could be on?

Scenario #2:

Detonation cord burn rate=approximately fifteen thousand feet per second to approximately twenty-three thousand feet per second, depending on pressure and other environmental variables. Extreme caution must be used when handling detcord due to its' potential to induce significant tissue and bone trauma, ugliness and corpsification when incautiously detonated.
note: figures representative of 50 grain PETN (pentaerythritol tetranitrate) variety.

Because of the diversity of loads and bullet styles, it is hard to generalize, but the following are typical American factory loads for the .308 Winchester and are also probably representative of the majority of handloads. The 150 grain Spitzer bullet is usually loaded to a muzzle velocity (MV) of 2,820 fps and muzzle energy (ME) of 2,648 foot pounds. The figures at 200 yards are 2,263 fps and 1,705 foot pounds. These are estimates based upon averages due to different grades of propellant used in rifle cartridges and other varying conditions.

Burn rate for common cannon fuze=30 seconds +/- per foot. Cannon fuze is a primary ignitor for most explosive compounds of commercial manufacture or local improvisation. Source; TM 31-210 Improvised Munitions Handbook, United States Army.

A highly motivated runner in the prime age category (17-22), according to standards of measured time used by the United States Army is capable of covering only a fraction of the a distance within the working effective engagement range of 400-600 meters. In that time a skilled marksman could cover that same distance and terrain with no significant shortage of breath.
Question: Were you aware that certain Tibetan Monastic orders take vows of celibacy?

Scenario #3:

You are swimming to shore from the floating dock at the beach after behaving in a generally un-gentlemanly fashion towards my daughter. Suddenly your hear the splash of oars and, upon examination find a rowboat converging upon your path and dividing your angle to the shore.
The smiling man that pushes you away with oar is me.
Question: How long can you tread water?

Lick 'em While You Got 'em.

I'm conflicted. Ohana is going in for a neuter on Tuseday and I have the following considerations:

Upside:
1. Neutered dogs live longer and have fewer issues with aggression.
2. Ohana won't miss his nuts, or so I'm told.
3. I could (there's still time) to purchase some Neuticles and have them installed during the surgery.
4. I could put them in a jar and show them to teen boys who start sniffing around my daughter in 10 years..."See these balls, boy?" "That boy sings in the choir now as a soprano."

Downside:
1. Ohana's man-tackle has been an excellent weather barometer, or at least thermometer; they swing when it is warm and wither up like a French soldier when it is chilly.
2. Those balls, swinging in the open made an important statement that I endorsed, albeit vicariously about this house and my position here as regards male masculinity.
3. Can you say 'Emasculate'?
4. Can you say 'Gender Traitor'?


Oh well, Ohana cannot be bred due to a mildly dysplastic left hip. He'll still, always be my best bud; faithful and true.