And So In No Particular Order The Man Code

The Man Code. Chapter IV. Explosives and Men

Part A--General Provisions

§. 1. From the first time a man farted too near a fire, explosions have dominated a persistent 11% of all man-brain function. Aging has a demonstrated inverse causational effect upon this fascination as ever increased complexity, brightness, concussion and duration are required to stimulate the genetically alloted capacity of man's cerebral cortex. This is in measured contrast to the tested .003% of a woman's brain¹, committed to demolitions.

Part B--Demolitions Related Periphery

§. 1. Cannon Fuze, Det(onation) Cord, Blasting Caps;
§§. 1. Actions Upon Encountering Demolitions Materiel

c.1. Any man happening upon one or more of these items in it's functional state is under the compunction to remove himself from the immediate vicinity to any safe distance² until such time as he and/or his 'Buds' can determine whether he might safely remove and store the items in his Truck³, Garage⁴, Shed⁵ or Tackle Box⁶.

c.2. He must never knowingly allow his Wife⁷ to become aware of his possession of these articles until he can safely⁸ deploy them in the course of entertaining his children, Neighborhood Men (see 'Buds') and Dogs with the intent of the invocation of awe.


¹ data is applicable only on the 4th of July; based upon control group study ( accuracy +/- .003%)
² any wood-pile, tree, ditch, station wagon or hillock
³ any 4-wheel drive, personal conveyance capable of transporting dogs, guns, fishing gear, and not more than 1 'Bud' unless designated as 'Crew-cab' or 2-wheel drive designated as 'Pick-up'
⁴ any structure attached or detached to a man's domecile of which the primary function is, or originally was the storage of automobiles or trucks
⁵ any structure annexed to the domecile, not designated as a 'Garage'
⁶ a hand-portable container designed or improvised to carry the necessary hooks, line, jigs, spoons, lures, baits, weights, tools with which to attract and catch those scaly bastards and expired regulations governing said practice
⁷ long-suffering sole designated and lawful partner to a man.
⁸ any amusing antic which does not unintentionally ignite structures and or motor vehicles, meaningfully menace or cause irreparable emotional trauma to children or dogs, immolate landscaping (herein construed to include more than 20% of total lawn) or cause physical damage to self which does not elicit responses of 'Cool', or 'awesome' when examined in normal illumination conditions.